One person, one pole!

Well, here I am. Back in Ramsau. This time there are no Christmas trees, no big group meals. It's just me, myself & I!  I'm skipping some World Cup action to get some much needed time to heal my wrist. Injuries are just one unavoidable aspect of being an athlete and all & all, I'm just thankful it wasn't worse.  I'm hoping to be ready and rearing to go in time for the World Cups in Rybinsk, Russia.  (If for no other reason, I have to race in Russia after spending hours on the complicated Visa and paying $400 dollars just to enter the country!)

The gorgeous view out my window one of the few, clear days

There were some people that encouraged me to return to Alaska to rehab my wrist but when it came down to it, the 30+ hours of travel each way & the 10-hour time difference make it nearly impossible to do.  So, I am training, resting & rehabbing here at the Kobaldhof, trail side.  My days are filled with one pole skiing, icing, stretching, PT exercises, taking vitamins, getting as much sleep as possible (because that's when you heal the best right?) & swimming countless laps in a tiny, tiny hotel pool in a bikini and no cap or googles.  (Think swim, turn, swim, turn, swim, turn!!!!)  Whenever it gets a bit lonely I just think to myself - "This is where people come for their annual vacations! And I'm here as a part of my everyday life!"  Yes, I may be that weird girl that sits by herself in the restaurant for every meal, every day but hey, this is part of the package and I am still living the dream, right?  I think so. 

On the sunny days tons of colorful hot air ballons dot the landscape!

I've had gorgeous days here in Ramsau and ones that leave a bit to be desired.  Two days ago I classic one-pole skied to the other end of the perfectly groomed trail system, sat in the sun & had coffee, and came back, an entirely different way.  In contrast, yesterday I ran in the rain and got soaked by ice-slush and Austrian drivers who sped by me, disinterested in the fact that they were full-on spraying me with slop.  I guess it's good to keep it real and not get too comfortable right?

Without a roommate, intense travel schedules, team meetings, and ski testing I've actually had some time to  do a bit of light reading.  Rob gave me Apolo Ohno's book for Christmas and I just finished it.  I had to chuckle last night because he referenced a training camp he did by himself in Colorado Springs.  He talked about it being a bit lonely:

"It was lonely. But lonely in a good way. It allowed me to reset my mind, to really go deep into my heart and soul and ask myself questions, to remember that champions are made when nobody else is looking.  When you're training by yourself, there's an undeniable temptation to let up, even if it's just a little. It's easier to get off the bike, or decrease the pedaling frequency, or run for forty-five minutes instead of the hour and a quarter you had set out to go.  I made sure to train just as hard as or harder than ever; that builds so much confidence and reflects your character so much more." (pg 236)

It's a good thing that I have a coach because otherwise, I'd probably train myself into a hole here all alone.  Apolo's training camp, was in the middle of the summer where you can afford to run huge hours, and carry some fatigue. However, here I am, just having completed the Tour de Ski - and hoping to race in a short amount of time.  Erik (my coach) wrote me a plan and reminded me, "Holly, this is not the time to go out and break records and get glacier tired." (Making reference to the summer months were we pretty much ski ourselves into the ground...)   Luckily I have him to provide some perspective for me and keep me on a short leash.  Sometimes I fall into the trap of "more is better" and I can certainly tell you, that is not always the case.

So, for now, I will diligently follow my training plan & rest up for Russia. I can't wait to cheer on my teammates in Estonia this weekend. As much as it pains me to not be there, I know they'll represent the US well in the classic double header. Following the races in Otepaa, the team will come here, to Ramsau where we will train until our departure for Russia.

Until RUSSIA!
Ciao & as always, thanks for reading :) 

Oh - two completely unrelated things:

First, my brother just departed on another international adventure.  He is driving the length of Africa! Yep, Cape Town to Cairo. Maybe I just think his blog is interesting because he's my brother but other people seem to enjoy it as well. You can find it here if you're interested:

http://scottsnextadventure.blogspot.com/

Second, a friend posted this video on facebook earlier today.  If you're lacking motivation to get active, check this out...... being active is literally, the single BEST thing you can do for your health!  As the video states, you have the remaining 23 1/2 hours of the day to do whatever else you want!

Gunde Svan on Pain......

One of my friends sent me an incredibly nice email, commenting on my blog and specifically, this line that I used to express my feelings about the Tour:  

"The pain of racing is temporary and the pain of quitting lasts forever"

He had a great story about Gunde Svan, a story that I think is worth sharing: 

"Many years ago at the Holmenkollen 50k, Gunde Svan fell on the first 25k lap and hurt his arm badly. It turned out it was broken. He could not use the arm, so he skied the rest of the lap with one pole and his hurt arm tucked inside his bib. When he came into the stadium everyone thought he would quit. However, he continued without stopping and completed the 50k with one pole. After the race he was interviewed by the TV guys who asked him why did not quit. He told them if he had done that he would probably do it again and again….and that would surly end his skiing carrier. Good call and you could argue that was his best race ever. Today heprobably still ranks as one of the top 10 XC skiers of all times."

Busy day for me as it's my "travel day" to Ramsau.  Traveling outside of the team isn't quite as easy and when you are with the team... I have to take 2 taxis, three trains and one bus in order to get to Ramsau. I'm crossing my fingers it all works out. One pole distance camp starts tomorrow! I hope you all enjoyed your weekends! Ciao! More soon.... Holly :) 

Tour de Ski Reflections....

I MADE IT!

I made it to the top of the Alpes Cermis! Yehaw! 

Ten years from now I can just picture myself laughing, in reflection: "Remember the time when I race the entire Tour de Ski with a broken wrist after falling on Christmas Day?!"  I can even chuckle at this feat now, as I stare at my computer over a cup of coffee.  The dust has finally settled. I have a while before another race attempt.  Rob is on a plane home (I hope to see him in April!) I am away from the team for the first time since flying to Europe mid-November.

Teammates and finishers! Me, Kikkan & Liz 

Yep. While the Canadian men's team is lying on the beach in the Canary Islands I opted for my own version of R & R. Months ago I remembered getting an email from my friend Kathy announcing that her and her husband were selling everything and moving to Italy.  Back in the day I got to know Bill & Kathy when I coached their two kids at West High School.  Since then Kathy has been a member of my women's group back in Anchorage.  Part way through the Tour I was able to track down some contact info for them (with some help!) and they agreed to let me crash out at their house for a while. I've only been her a few hours but it was incredible to sleep in & walk downstairs and make what I want for breakfast, when I want it. When opening their cupboards I find familiar things like Life Cereal, Organic Valley Milk & El Paso Taco Shells.  This funny mixture of Italian and American is a result of Kathy's job working as a school nurse on the Aviano Military Base.  They have access to the commissary grocery store where I suppose, they feel the need to offer American things to the Americans working here.

Here is the "traffic circle" in the small town that they live in.... while they've been going non stop since moving here, the pace of Italian life is slow - which is exactly what I need right now.... 

Kathy & Bill are some of the most gracious, kind people I know I am so grateful to have a "home away from home" here in Italy. There is no snow here in Aviano but funny enough, Kathy brought her roller skis from Alaska so I might take a spin on those later this week!  (You've gotta love those Alaska girls!)  It's been really fun so far to take a peek into their new lives and I am incredibly thankful that they've accommodated me so much. It's been fun to bit** about the aspects of Europe that are tough - for example, the inability to get anything done. Here in Italy everything is "Domani, Domani" which means, "tomorrow, tomorrow!"  When living life on the road (such as I am) you must become accustomed to a lack of productivity. For example, it may take all flipping day to figure out how and where to do a load of laundry.  Back home in the states, laundry would be one of 101 things you might get done any given day. They can relate to bad Internet, the ten hour time difference, and the difficulty of staying in touch with loved ones back at home.

Here I am with Kathy on a walk..... mandatory machiatto stop along the way.... 

Kathy & Bill :)

Kathy is the perfect mixture of mom and friend.... it's so nice to be spending some time with people from home.  This night we had Kathy homemade ravioli for dinner - each ravioli made with loving care! 

Enough about laundry & ravioli and back to the Tour!!

Finishing the Tour, and reaching the top of the Alpes Cermis with a bib on was a huge goal of mine.  I'm not going to lie. It was really, really tough but not as tough as dropping out would have been for me. A friend sent Rob an email telling him about a German saying that basically says, the pain of racing is temporary and the pain of quitting lasts forever. I agree whole heartily with this statement and it became somewhat of a mantra for me during the 11- day tour.

"Cheers to finishing!" 

Just a sampling of the food they had in the VIP tent at the top of the Alpes Cermis! 

Each day I had to put my ego aside and accept that my results weren't what they had been earlier this season.  Each day I questioned myself, trying to figure out if I was doing the right thing. Was I hurting myself by continuing to race? Was turning in sub-par results adding or taking away from my case? All I knew was that I love to race, I have worked my butt off to be over here, racing in Europe. I knew that there were many, many other ski racers who would have loved to be in my position. There were also countless people back at home who had gone above and beyond to help me be here, racing the Tour.

Devon Kershaw powering up the last part of the climb - in places, the grade was 28% which required everyone, even the top men to "granny skate." 

Early on, even before I had my proper diagnosis I knew that I would finish the Tour if it killed me. I owed it to myself, my family & friends, my coaches, and my teammates.  My visual through all of this is one of those little sea snails that hooks onto a rock and won't let go, despite the crashing waves on it's back. Even though there were some significant odds against me, I got back on the starting line each and everyday.

In the Oberstdorf pursuit I had a bit of bad luck.... I had a great start to the race & my skis were good. Then, literally one minute into the race the group went down a big downhill with a turn at the bottom. All the girls in front of me start "power-plowing" (snow plowing) like mad and I felt like I was going to smash into them. I quickly busted out a snow plow too - but it was too quick. I caught an edge and went down really, really hard. I got up quick but lost all my momentum and the entire field was gone. I was absolutely dead last by 100 meters. I then spent the rest of the race trying to catch the entire field that had one another to work with and draft off of.  This picture doesn't quite do my legs justice but needless to say, they were bruised. Liz said I had "alpine bruises!" 

Some days I would look at the results, and some days I would simply walk away from the finish line, choosing to reflect on my race via technique, feeling, and subjective analysis.  The objective number, place, and time back doesn't always help.  I looked at each race as a learning opportunity. I learned a ton about new venues, new formats, and my competitors. Each time someone passed me I would take a mental note of what they were doing differently.  The last venue, at Val di Fiemme, is also the site of the 2013 World Championships. While I'm not particularly proud of my individual performance there, I have now raced the course where a new World Champion will be named next year. I now have an intimate and personal knowledge of the hills and how to prepare to take them on next winter.

Petter was tired at the end of the climb.... I have to admit, it was fun watching Hellner pass him! 

Cross Country skiing, and really most sports are full of competitive people, people who do each and every little thing in their power to "win" the race or come out on top. While we might not like to dwell on this fact, our goal is to beat our competitors and often a good race necessitates having one's name above that of their competitors on the results sheet.

Dario, the eventual men's winner has quite the fan club that travels from venue to venue. Once the men's race was done his fans marched up the race tracks playing gigantic swiss bells in celebration!

Thanks to Zach Caldwell for helping me with my skis during the Tour 

Throughout this whole ordeal, one of my friends sent me a few emails outlining some important facts.  First, he told me, "Holly, you are more than your results."  While this is an incredibly simple point, sometimes it's easy to forget. I've found myself, and seen some of my teammates fall into a pattern of self worth being directly tied to their placing in races.  Did I score World Cup points today or not? Did I have a personal best today or not? Especially for our team (USA) that has what I've called the "proximity disadvantage" (the inability to go home and rest) this can really plague us and if you're not careful, it can be a downward spiral. So. I am more than my results and so are my teammates. We are human and not everything is perfect all the time.

Second, he sent me a link to a speech given by John Wooden, perhaps the most articulate 92 year old on the face of the planet. (Wooden is a retired UCLA basketball coach and professor.)  In his speech, Wooden outlines his version of success which he pointedly admits is much different than the Mariam Webster Dictionary definition:

(You can see his whole, 18-minute speech here if you're interested) 

I thought about that for quite a spell, and I wanted to come up with my own definition. I thought that might help. And I knew how Mr. Webster defined it: as the accumulation of material possessions or the attainment of a position of power or prestige, or something of that sort -- worthy accomplishments perhaps, but in my opinion not necessarily indicative of success. So I wanted to come up with something of my own.

And I recalled -- I was raised on a small farm in Southern Indiana and Dad tried to teach me and my brothers that you should never try to be better than someone else. I'm sure at the time he did that, I didn't -- it didn't -- well, somewhere, I guess in the hidden recesses of mind, it popped out years later.Never try to be better than someone else, always learn from others. Never cease trying to be the best you can be -- that's under your control. If you get too engrossed and involved and concerned in regard to the things over which you have no control, it will adversely affect the things over which you have control. 

From those things, and one other perhaps, I coined my own definition of success, which is: peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you're capable. I believe that's true. If you make the effort to do the best of which you're capable, to try and improve the situation that exists for you, I think that's success. And I don't think others can judge that. I think it's like character and reputation. Your reputation is what you are perceived to be; your character is what you really are. And I think that character is much more important than what you are perceived to be. You'd hope they'd both be good,but they won't necessarily be the same. Well, that was my idea that I was going to try to get across to the youngsters.

This notion became my second mantra of the Tour.  My goal was to be the best and do the best that I could do, without comparing myself to others.  Now this is much, much harder than it sounds because like I said before, the essence of sports in many people's mind is what page your name falls on for results; or what step of the podium you stand on.  However, without doing better than some of my competitors, I wouldn't be here in Europe, having the opportunities that I've had.  Sports aren't a big "Kumbaya" where everyone holds hands and tries to cross the finish line for a tie - not even in the slightest. The difference is, however, that when you focus on having a good race for yourself, and do the best that you can do, the results and improvement will come. I believe what John Wooden is saying is that if you focus on what others are doing, rather than trying to improve your own "game" it will work against those measures of success.  Instead, if you focus on improving your striding, or your mental game during races, the good results will fall in your lap. Not without effort, of course, but the point being, focus on what you can do, rather than being upset that you cannot do what others have done. 

In my specific case moving forward, I need not focus on the races that I'm missing and the World Cup points that my competitors are accumulating but rather, what kind of productive PT can I do for my wrist to heel my injury & how I can stay in shape while doing so.

What is my plan now? My plan consists of skipping the next couple race weekends. As much as it pains me to opt out of racing opportunities, I know the priority needs to be on getting better; on healing.  A couple weeks ago I had a quote about how every single second in a race is important; that even wiping the snot off your face could cost a place on the results sheet.  The reality is, every decrement in performance, whether it's 1% or 10% will result in a quick slip down the results list.  Therefore, my plan is to skip the sprints in Milan this weekend, the classic double header in Oteppa, Estonia next weekend, and the city sprint in Moscow.  Most likely, my next world cup starts will be in early February in Rybinsk, Russia.  There is a 10k mass start skate race and a 15k pursuit. Following Russia I hope to race in the Czech Republic & Poland as well.  

Until later & thanks so much for all the support! 

Love, 

Holly :) 

PS.

I had one day after the Tour to spend with Rob before his departure.  Considering I am here in Europe November - March it's tough missing loved ones.  My mom actually inspired and treated us to this wonderful "date."  We took the gondola up Latemar, a big ski area and took the Alpine slide, had lunch, etc.  We were celebrating New Years, Valentine's Day & his birthday since I won't see him again until spring :(

(Thanks Mom!) 

Going up the Alpine Slide 

Rob with our Italian Pizza

Sitting in front of the Dolomites

The Penultimate Race.... TDS/Italy

Oh Italy..... I am finally back in connectivity after no Internet for days. There is a theory that Internet is especially sparse in Italy due to some Mafia thing but that has yet to be confirmed.  Alas, my apologies for those of you that have checked back only to find my blog without recent updates.  It's been out of my control, for sure! (This also creates a huge back log in correspondence so if I haven't written you back yet, this is why!) 

This afternoon we have our second to last race of the Tour, a 10k classic mass start race at Val di Fiemme. I will make this post brief because I need to get ready but I really want to get something up to let you all know what has been going on. 

Racing in Toblach.... 

As I'm sure some of you have seen or read in other publications, I took a slip on the ice Christmas day while running in Ramsau, Austria.  It's taken a while to get a proper diagnosis.... this has included lots of fitful reading on wikipedia, Web MD, and all of those other scary Internet sources where you diagnose yourself and then continue to have nightmares.... However, I was finally able to get both an x-ray and MRI, mid-tour in Oberstdorf, Germany.  We were able to deal with an Orthopedic specialist but lots of the medical lingo was lost in translation and there was a fair amount of uncertainty- plus, we were literally trying to get on the road to arrive at the next stage of the Tour. It was quite a debacle of a day but  more on that later. 

These nice men, Herbert and Stephan made me a custom cast which is hard on one side, and soft on the other side.  They were even nice enough to do this for FREE! I am extremely grateful for their kindness - and was happy to hook them up with an Oberstdorf race bib :) 

I have been told usually Drs would put a non-removable cast on for six weeks....instead I have this awesome removable, cleanable cast! 

Hard on top, soft on the bottom 

The conclusion from the MRI is/was that I have a non-dislocated fracture of the distal radius bone.  They were initially worried about the scaphoid-lunate ligament as well but that appears to be okay which is terrific news.  

I was happy & surprised to make the sprint heats in Toblach. Everything was going well until I got tripped up on the last uphill.... darn! 

The second I fell on the ice I knew that something was terribly wrong. My hand was extremely swollen and my range of motion was poor.  Christmas was literally 4 days before the beginning of the Tour and it was hard to know what to do.  Since then, I have been racing every day, doing my best to compete.  While my results have been extremely sub-par, I feel the need to complete the Tour. I've worked so hard to get here - and there are so many people who have helped me out along the way. I know there are a handful of other skiers from the US who would have loved to have the start opportunity and I feel the need to represent the US. I often wonder if the decision to keep racing is tough or just plain stupid.  I was concerned about the potential of permanent damage to my arm but have been told since that it's probably just pro-longing my recovery period. 

Here's a good motto - from my coach Erik :) 

Coming into the Tour my goals included fighting for a top ten stage results and finishing in the top 20 overall.  While those goals are completely out of the question now, I continue to race because each time I put a bib on, I learn something valuable. With each stage of the Tour has come another World Cup start, another experience at a new venue, and some pointers and direction towards my results here (hopefully) next year, not to mention later this season.  

Also, Val di Fiemme, (where we are now) is the site of the 2013 World Championships so while I'm racing today, I will literally be trying out the course for next year's Championships.  After yesterday's "inspection ski" I was really psyched - I think the courses suit me well and it gives me a ton of direction for summer and fall training. 

Tour de Ski here and now - World Champs next year! 

I could go on and on but it's off to lunch, then a quick view of the men's race, time to get ready - and bring on the pain train! 

I promise a more complete update with tons of pictures soon. In the meantime, THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS SUPPORTED MY JOURNEY!!!! YOU ALL MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND I WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL! This injury has been especially difficult in that part of me feels like I've let some of you down but I've been told that I cannot think that way... and I know I can't.  Nonetheless, THANK YOU and I will continue to do my best to represent you all and get some stories and photos as soon as I possibly can! 

Cheers! 

Holly:) 

 I am so happy and thankful to have Rob, my husband here with me.... he's working with both Fasterskier and Salomon

The Church at the Val di Fiemme race venue - trail side

Italians lining up for all kinds of meat..... they like their salami here!